I need help! I hate growing up! why is this happening to me?

I realized that every Christmas when me and mom get that feeling like its magical, like Christmas just gives us that feeling that anything wonderful and magical can happen, I realized its just a state of mind….a feeling by habit and by thoughts. Feeling this feeling like anything wonderful can happen doesn’t make anything more likely to happen. That bothers me. I feel like theres no magic in the world. Or anywhere. What can I really believe? I cant go by feelings. There just feelings and states of minds. Christmas isn’t any more magical than Monday, or any other day of the year. It makes me sad. I hate this growing up stuff so much at times, I just wish I could have my childlike mind again and believe in santa, and magic, and all the things like that, that I believed with my heart as a kid. Then suddenly to wake up and realize theres no magic anywhere, everythings logical, and feelings are just feelings, based on nothing real or different. It makes me sooo happy to let go and just believe and take in this fake feeling of magic though, it makes things seem more magical, fun and safe without care. But its hard to fake it now that I now and those wonderful feelings feel tainted now. Its hard to pretend there real and be in the state of mind knowing its all in the mind and how we see things.